The Misophonic Struggle
This marks my second exploration into the realm of misophonia, this time offering a personal account of how this condition uniquely impacts my life. Misophonia, an affliction I grapple with, manifests as an intense sensitivity to specific sounds that elicit a severe negative emotional response, akin to emotional pain. Unfortunately, the uncontrollable nature of this condition means that relief is elusive.
My triggers are a disconcerting chorus of everyday sounds, each capable of inducing a profound emotional upheaval within me. Chewing sounds, the clinking of cutlery against plates, and even the seemingly innocuous noise of cats grooming all fall within the realm of my auditory adversaries. These triggers are not mere nuisances; they are catalysts for a cascade of unpleasant emotions that can be so overwhelming that I find myself compelled to leave certain spaces or resort to the solace of earplugs in an attempt to regain control.
The toll that misophonia takes on my daily life is palpable, leaving me grappling with feelings of isolation and frustration. Everyday situations morph into potential battlegrounds where the sonic triggers lurk, ready to disrupt the fragile equilibrium of my emotional well-being. The need for preemptive measures, such as the use of earplugs, becomes a constant companion, serving as both a shield and a reminder of the isolating nature of this condition.
Attempting to convey the disconcerting experience of living with misophonia through creative expression, I utilize dissonance as a narrative tool in my composition. From the jarring tones of the crotales to the tension within the strings, the music mirrors the discord that permeates my daily life. It becomes a sonic representation of the emotional turbulence that accompanies each triggered moment, providing a glimpse into the dissonant landscape that characterizes my unique experience with misophonia.
In sharing this personal narrative, my intention is to shed light on the intricate challenges faced by individuals navigating the uncharted territories of misophonia. By fostering understanding and empathy, I hope to contribute to a broader dialogue surrounding this condition, advocating for a more inclusive and supportive environment for those of us who contend with the dissonant symphony of misophonia on a daily basis.
The piece was performed in 2020 by the Helix New Music Ensemble at Rutgers University.