Symphonic Madness

I composed Symphonic Madness starting the summer of 2019 through March of 2020. I decided to compose a piece that portrays what it is like having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Clinical Depression, since I have been diagnosed with both. It won 1st prize in the Caneres, 2022 September edition, international music composition competition Vienna.

I Mvt: The initial movement, "Obsessive Compulsion," delves into the personal experience of grappling with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Defined by the Mayo Clinic as a condition marked by persistent unwanted thoughts (obsessions) leading to repetitive behaviors (compulsions, either physical or mental), OCD significantly disrupts daily activities and induces distress. Attempts to ignore or halt these obsessions only intensify anxiety, ultimately compelling the individual to perform compulsive acts. In the musical representation, I convey the gradual intensification of intrusive thoughts, mirroring the anxiety that accumulates within one's system. The rhythmic structure, marked by obsessive repetition, mirrors the mental landscape of individuals with OCD. It is crucial to dispel the misconception of OCD as a mere adjective denoting neatness or organization; rather, it is a genuine and debilitating disorder. The media's portrayal often focuses on germophobia and constant handwashing, but these are just specific manifestations, not universal experiences. The aim of this composition is to raise awareness about the diverse manifestations of OCD and discourage its misuse as a casual descriptor, as this contributes to the misunderstanding of those living with the disorder. Having personally experienced the profound anxiety caused by OCD, I aim to foster understanding and empathy.

Excerpt of Obsessive Compulsion Reading by the Rutgers Symphony Orchestra

 II Mvt: The second movement, "Depression," seeks to articulate the subjective experience of depression. In contrast to the myth that depression fuels creativity, I contend that creativity flourishes during periods of diminished depressive symptoms. Depression, for me, inhibits motivation and transforms once-enjoyable activities into neutral pursuits. It is vital to differentiate between sadness, an emotion, and depression, a mental health disorder. While sadness can inspire, depression extinguishes that spark. Commonly associated with a pervasive sense of sadness, depression encompasses more debilitating symptoms, with the most profound being a pervasive sense of meaninglessness and self-endangerment. Clinical depression, rooted in a chemical imbalance in the brain, is distinct from natural reactions to external stimuli that induce sadness. This movement provides an opportunity for me to shed light on these distinctions and challenge the stereotype that associates depression with heightened creativity.